Conversations over Sake
by Orange and Lemons
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke have an interesting conversation over sake. With references to being gay, farm animals, and stupidity contests.


A/N: Another Naruto and Sasuke fic, this time they're having a conversation over sake with plenty of reference to being gay and screwing. Just for everyone's information it's not exactly precise if it's yaoi or not. So interpret it whatever way to you.

**Conversations over Sake**

"Naruto, pass the Sake…"

"Here…"

"…"

"…"

"Sasuke, you're a guy, right?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"You're a single guy, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Sometimes don't you just get lonely?"

"Where the hell is this going?"

"You're an 18 year old ninja who's extremely good-looking. No. You're gorgeous. Girls flock to you and follow you around like rabid dogs. They praise you. You're like a god."

"So?"

"Well how come you never tried to get to know any of them? I mean with all the pretty girls dying to go out with you there has to be one that suits your taste. I mean if was as popular as you I would be here having Sake with myself. I'd be out there getting lucky."

"I have my reasons..."

"…"

"…"

"Is it because you're gay?"

"NO!"

"Because you can tell me if you like guys."

"I don't like guys."

"Then how come you never had a relationship with a girl?"

"I am not gay."

"You can tell me, we're friends. Hell if you are gay I'll even help find a boyfriend."

"I don't want or need a girlfriend or boyfriend in my life. Thank you very much."

"How about Neji? You know he's tall, smart, and has really nice long shiny hair."

"Yeah right. I bet that perverted screw uses those weird eyes of his to look through people's clothes."

"How about Shikamaru? He's smart and stuff."

"Oh yes please. And while we're screwing I really want to hear him complain how I'm probably doing it wrong or something. And anyway he's already Temari's boyfriend."

"Kiba?"

"My secret wish has always been to have a threesome with a loud-mouth boy and a dog."

"How about Chouji?"

"No."

"Kakashi-sensei?"

"No. I'd never do anything with that perverted scarecrow moreover have a relationship with him. Plus he's already Iruka's bitch."

"Really?"

"Don't you ever wonder why Kakashi-sensei is always late?"

"Why?"

"It's because he can't keep his hands off of Iruka and they're constantly doing stuff to each other. That's why he's always late wherever he goes."

"How do you know?"

"I have my ways…"

"…"

"…"

"Well how about…Gaara! How about Gaara?"

"Yes, I've always wanted a lover that could probably kill me any moment he'd feel like it. I can imagine screwing that deranged panda. He'd probably still be wearing his beloved gourd."

"How about Lee?"

"No. Just no."

"Shino?"

"Now that's just creepy."

"…"

"…"

"How about me?"

"Don't worry Naruto. I assure you if ever one day I wake up and I just realize that I'm actually homosexual. I'll go straight to your house and fuck you until you make sounds like a farm animal."

"Well if I was gay I guess I'd fuck too."

"I'm touched."

"Well you should be."

"…"

"…"

"Are you sure you're not gay?"

"Are you sure that _you're_ not gay? You seem a little obsessed with finding me a lover. Naruto, don't tell you're madly in love with me?"

"I'm just worried about you."

"Well you shouldn't be."

"Why not?"

"I'm a big boy and I can take of myself…"

"Well you know you're always so miserable and wallowing in self-pity. I'd probably be good for you to find someone."

"I don't wallow in self-pity."

"What I'm trying to say is that you should find somebody and just be happy."

"Since when has my social life been your concern? And furthermore explain to me why _you _don't have a lover?

"Well…uh…because…"

"My point exactly."

"Girls don't like."

"How about that Hinata girl?

"What are you talking about? She doesn't like me."

"Naruto, you would win first prize in a stupidity contest."

"And anyway I'm not just going to pick any random person and make them my lover. They got to be special."

"Oh yeah what exactly does _special _mean?"

"They need to be loyal, trustworthy, warm, dutiful, and most of all loving."

"And would by any chance your lover be a dog?"

"NO! Fine smarty-pants what exactly are you looking for?"

"I told you before I can take care of myself."

"But you'll be miserable all your life and you'll die alone!"

"And what exactly are_ you_ going to do about my aloneness?"

"Sasuke I will make you a promise. If I never find the person I'm looking for. I'll be gay with you!"

"I told you I'm not gay. And even if I was gay what makes you think that I'd be gay with you?"

"I'm dedicated, warm, and energetic. Not you like you. You're cold, impassive, and harsh. I'd make a better lover than you'd ever make."

"If you were my lover do you really think you could satisfy me?"

"Of course I could! I'm a great lover."

"And what this is all based on experience?"

"Well…no…but I would be an excellent lover. I just need to find someone to love."

"Well good luck on finding anyone who'll tolerate you."

"People tolerate me!"

"Who exactly?"

"You! You tolerate me."

"That's different."

"You also secretly worry about me when I'm injured, have ramen with me whenever Sakura-chan turns me down, and invite me over to your house for sake."

"So?"

"You care about me don't you?"

"…"

"Sasuke cares about me! Sasuke cares about me! Sasuke cares about me!"

"…"

"Sasuke am I really that important to you?"

"If I say yes, will you shut up?"

"Yes!"

"Fine. I care about you, happy?"

"Sasuke, I care about you too."

"Don't tell me now we're going to hug and start talking about our feelings?"

"Sasuke, are you asking for hug?"

"Idiot! Hell no!"

"But you care about me!"

"That doesn't mean I want you to go around and parade telling everyone about it."

"You're so cute when you're irritated!"

"I am not irritated. I am also not cute. Cute is an adjective used for cats and babies."

"awww…"

"Stop That!"

"Sasuke, do you think I'm cute?"

"As cute as a horse's ass."

"You already admitted that you cared about me. Tell me I'm cute!"

"Err…you're cute. Now leave me alone."

"If you want me to leave you alone why did you invite me to your house in the first place?"

"…"

"It's because you care about me and think I'm cute."

"…"

"Sasuke thinks (yawn) I'm cute. He also (yawns) cares about me."

"…"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz."

"If you only Naruto. If you only knew."

**END**


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